Thursday, December 17, 2015

An American Bedtime Story

One day Moohammid the Cow was out grazing in the field when a passing car backfired. This alarmed all the other animals. Dogs barked, the roosters raised a ruckus, and the pigs wallowed uncomfortably in their pins. Only Moohammid was unfazed.

This instantly raised suspicions.

“He MUST have known it was going to happen!” quivered a quail.

“Yes, and what’s with all that chewing?” neighed an old nag. “You know he covets my hay!”

The animals agreed something must be done about Moohammid, because you can never be too safe.

As Moohammid returned to the barn that afternoon, he found the other animals blocking his path.

“Admit it!” demanded a dog. “You support ISIS!”

“Ice licks?” replied a confused Moohammid. “I don’t know about ice licks, but I do like a salt lick.”

“Did you hear that!” screamed a chicken as it began to run in circles, feathers flying. “He said ‘assault!’”

“Moohammid is a terrorist!” cried a cat. “Everyone knows terrorists are cow-wards!” The cat wasn't sure what a cow-ward was, but it sounded like something a cow would be.

The pigs broke cover and opened fire on Moohammid with their AR-15s. Moohammid was killed, along with half a dozen other animals thanks to the indiscriminant gunfire.

It didn't matter. The surviving animals blamed everything on Moohammid because as everyone knows, cows are always responsible for udder disasters.